Supporting the Family Journey: Looking After Yourself While Caring for Someone with Dementia

Caring for someone you love can be incredibly rewarding, but it can also be tiring, emotional and, at times, overwhelming.

When someone in your family is living with dementia, life can gradually start to revolve around caring for them. Appointments, meals, medication, personal care and keeping them safe can all become part of everyday life, and somewhere along the way, it can become very easy to forget about yourself.

At Dovehaven, we speak to families going through this every day. When someone in your family is living with dementia, life can gradually start to revolve around caring for them. And sometimes, the journey starts long before a diagnosis, with small changes that can be difficult to understand at first. If you're concerned about changes in a loved one's memory, behaviour or day-to-day life, you may find our guide to the early signs of dementia helpful.

Accepting help isn't a failure

It's something we hear quite often from families.

They want to keep caring for their mum, dad, husband, wife or partner at home for as long as possible. Sometimes their loved one had even said in the past, “Don't ever put me in a care home.”That's understandable.

But those conversations often happened long before dementia became part of their lives. None of you could have known then what the future would look like or how much support might eventually be needed. So perhaps the question isn't whether you're keeping a promise, perhaps it's whether you're doing what is right for both of you now.

Would they want you to be exhausted and struggling on your own? Or would they want you to have some support, look after yourself and still have time to simply be their daughter, son, husband, wife or friend? Asking for help doesn't mean you've stopped caring. Actually, sometimes, it's one of the most caring things you can do.

Talking about dementia and future care isn't always easy either. If you're worried about a loved one but aren't sure how to raise the subject, we've put together some practical advice on starting the conversation about dementia.

Don't overlook the little things

Dementia can make it very easy to focus on what has changed. For example, the things your loved one used to do without thinking, the conversations that don't happen in quite the same way anymore, or the routines that have become more difficult. But there are still so many moments worth holding on to...

A favourite song.

A cup of tea together.

A good meal.

A laugh at something that wouldn't necessarily make anyone else laugh.

A walk outside.

A familiar face.

Getting dressed independently.

Joining in with an activity.

At Dovehaven, we see how much these everyday moments matter. Our teams get to know the people living in our homes, not just their care needs, but their personalities, interests, routines and the things that make them smile. Dementia doesn't change the fact that someone is still themselves, and often it's those simple moments that matter the most.

It's okay to need a break

There can be a lot of guilt around taking time for yourself when you're caring for someone else.

You might feel that you should be able to manage, you might worry about leaving them, or perhaps you haven't had a proper break in months because there always seems to be something else that needs doing. But needing a rest doesn't make you a bad carer, it just means you need some time to recharge.

This is where respite care can help. A short-term stay in a care home can give your loved one the opportunity to enjoy some companionship, activities and personalised care, while you have some time to rest and catch your breath.

At Dovehaven, our respite stays can be arranged for a range of reasons. It might be because you're going away on holiday, recovering from an illness, dealing with family commitments or simply because you've realised you need a bit of time for yourself. If you're not sure what respite care actually involves, we've explained what respite care is and how it can support families across the North West, including some of the situations where a short-term stay might be helpful.

What can respite care look like at Dovehaven?

Every Dovehaven home is different, with its own character and community, but our approach is the same: we want people to feel at home, not like they're simply being looked after.

For someone living with dementia, that might mean keeping to familiar routines, enjoying their favourite activities, sitting down for a meal with others or simply having a chat with a member of the team.

Our colleagues take the time to get to know each person. We want to understand what they enjoy, what they're used to, what helps them feel comfortable and what is important to them.

Families are an important part of this too. You know your loved one better than anyone, so the things you can tell us – the little routines, the favourite foods, the music they love, the things that make them laugh or the things that might unsettle them – can make such a difference. That's part of what we mean by person-centred care.

Finding the right care close to home

Dovehaven has care homes across the North West, including communities across Lancashire, Merseyside, Greater Manchester, Southport, Liverpool, Preston, Wigan and Warrington.

Our homes provide different types of care, including residential care, dementia care, nursing care and respite care. If you're looking for dementia respite care in the North West, the right home will depend on your loved one's needs and what matters to them.

That's why we'd always encourage you to have a conversation with us. You don't need to know exactly what type of care you need before you get in touch, you can simply tell us what's happening at home and we'll talk things through with you.

You don't have to wait until you're struggling

Sometimes families contact us when things have become very difficult, but you don't have to wait until you're completely exhausted before asking about support.

You may be starting to worry about leaving your loved one alone, finding it harder to manage their care alongside work and family life, or just wondering whether a short break would help you both. Whatever has brought you to this point, it's okay to start a conversation. At Dovehaven, we won't expect you to have all the answers. We'll listen, answer your questions and help you understand what options might be available.

If it's your first time considering respite care, it's completely normal to have questions. We've answered some of the things families commonly ask in our guide to your first respite care stay, from what to expect to how you can help your loved one settle in.

Looking after yourself matters too

Caring for someone with dementia is a big responsibility, and it's one that families often take on because they love someone very much. But you matter too - having some time to rest doesn't mean you're stepping away from your loved one. It can give you the chance to recharge so that when you're together, you have more energy for the things that matter.

At Dovehaven, our values of Compassion, Accountability, Respect for Diversity, Excellence and Strength in Unity guide the way we care for the people who live with us and the families around them.

Dementia may change things, but it doesn't change the love between a family. Accepting a little help can make it easier to keep enjoying the moments you still have together.

Thinking about respite care?

If you're caring for someone living with dementia and would like to talk about short-term care, our Dovehaven team is here to listen.

We're here when you're ready.

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