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Noticing changes in a loved one can feel worrying. They might forget things more often, get confused, struggle with daily tasks, or seem more withdrawn. These could be early signs of dementia. It’s normal to feel unsure about how to bring it up, many families delay the conversation because it feels too hard.

But talking early, with care and compassion, can make a real difference. It helps your loved one access support, plan for the future, and feel understood rather than isolated. If you haven’t already, you might find it helpful to read our previous blog, Early Signs of Dementia: What Families Should Look Out For, which covers some of the initial changes you might notice.

Preparing to Talk

• Choose the right time and place - a quiet, private moment is best, when you’re both calm.
• Think about what you want to say -focus on your concern and care, not criticism.
• Have resources ready - leaflets, trusted websites, or GP advice can help guide the conversation.

How to Start the Conversation

• Use gentle “I” statements for example: “I’ve noticed you’ve been forgetting things, and I’m worried about you.”
• Listen more than you speak - give them space to share feelings or fears.
• Be patient - it may take more than one conversation for them to open up.
• Stay calm and supportive - your reassurance matters more than perfect wording.

If the conversation triggers anger or defensiveness

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If your loved one responds with anger, denial, or defensiveness, try to remember that this reaction often comes from fear, embarrassment, or a sense of losing control. Stay calm, avoid arguing or trying to 'prove' your point, and don’t take their response personally. Acknowledge their feelings (“I can see this is upsetting”) and gently shift the focus to support and concern rather than labels or diagnoses. If the conversation becomes too heated, it’s okay to pause and revisit it another time. Sometimes planting a seed and giving someone space is more effective than pushing for immediate agreement.

Supporting Your Loved One

• Encourage a GP visit or memory assessment but offer to go with them if that helps.
• Share support options - local groups, online communities, or charities can provide guidance and comfort.

Other medical conditions that can affect memory and thinking

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It’s also important to remember that dementia is not the only possible cause of memory problems or changes in thinking. Many medical conditions can affect cognition, some of them temporary or treatable. These include depression and anxiety, vitamin deficiencies (such as B12), thyroid problems, infections (like urinary tract infections in older adults), medication side effects, sleep disorders, dehydration, and the effects of alcohol or substance use. Hearing or vision loss can also look like cognitive decline because the person may miss or misunderstand information. A medical assessment can help identify whether these or other conditions are contributing, and in some cases, symptoms may improve with the right treatment.

• Keep the conversation ongoing -checking in regularly shows your care and helps them feel safe.

Looking After Yourself

Talking about dementia can be emotionally challenging. It’s okay to seek support for yourself, friends, family, or local carers’ groups can help you process your feelings. Taking care of yourself also helps you support your loved one better.

You’re Not Alone

Starting this conversation is an act of love. Even small, gentle steps can open the door to understanding, support, and planning for the future. You don’t need all the answers, your care, patience, and presence matter most.

Signposting:

• Speak to your GP if you notice memory changes.
• Visit Alzheimer’s Society for advice and support.
• Local memory services and support groups can provide guidance for families.

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